...And it rained again.

It's raining here like it's going out of style. I officially wasted 7 seconds of your life. Now you, too, can be miserable.

- Lunn

Oh Yeah, Teaching!

Now, since everyone and their mom keeps asking about this supposed "school" I am "teaching" at, I will give everyone the DL on SJL (Thats what they call the school I'm teaching at). First and foremost, the kids are way smart. And way polite. And have way funny accents. They are basically a more evolved race of beings.

Speaking of races, boy have we got 'em. My class is like pretty evenly split between folks from the Middle East, Somalia, Ghana, Eastern Europe (the good side), and India. On the playground before school, many of the kids' parents hang out on the playground, and it is really cool to see the diversity, hear the different languages, and pretend you understand what people are saying when they talk to you. I only speak English (and, of course, Smiles) so I kind of feel like a chump. You'd think the school would embrace this diversity like slimey politicians (that is, before politicians realized that we still don't like them colored folk), but in reality there is quite a paucity of anything reflecting the school's multiculturalism. No flags from all over the world, no "Happy Ramadan" poster (its always Ramadan somewhere, right?) even though they constantly make reference to Church of England Holidays, not even a friggin' Ghandi painting. It is all very interesting, especially coming from a place like Madison which proudly exclaims "Nuh uh! We've got black folks, too!" at every opportunity.

My very first day, there was an assembly (They have assemblies every single day. Today's was a very unremarkable speech about Bullying...) and this assembly was dedicated to singing. They would play the song through these huge speakers, put the words up on the wall, and the kids would wail away. The first song was a cute one called "Something Inside So Strong"which was a pretty cool kind of Black Power song from the anti-apartheid movement (this is when I was tricked into thinking the school was gonna embrace that kind of stuff). Of course, they just sang the song and didn't give any sort of background on the song.

However, the next song needed no introduction: Nickelback's wretched "How You Remind Me." Evidently the Wednesday singing assembly consists of the gym teacher playing songs from his iPod and having the kids sing along. Seriously. I'm not making this up. The next song was Green Day's "Time of your Life." And the assembly was concluded by "Karma Chamelion." But before you hate, you have to realize what it is like to get all tingly from a big ol' group of immigrants rocking out to Culture Club. Who needs their culture anyway? My highlight was when one of the teachers (who reminds me so much of Deb Klein) kept her class after so that they could all dance. It was then that I knew I loved them both.


Other than that, the school is pretty similar in a lot of ways to any inner-city US school: Huge focus on cramming for the Big Test (I'm not even allowed to teach for the Year 6ers until their yearly test is done in a few weeks), lots of shaming the kids, and "low-level thinking" types of assignments. The usual. Nevertheless, I think there is some good stuff happening. The kids are pretty advanced, and almost everyone seems pretty destined to get into college. Well, at least an American college. However, the way the English system works, I guess kids get into a tracking system very early on. By mid-high school, you go to what they call "college" and is pretty specific to your occupation. The RA in my hall is like 21 and she has been taking education courses for like 6 years. I'm assuming that a big chunk of the kids in my school will be whisked away to Hamburger University in a few years.

[NOTE: Non education majors might find this a bit boring, so you should probably skip ahead to the paragraph which starts "And one more weird thing about the school..."] In fact, the school seems to already have the whole system arranged. In the classes I've been in, the students are all arranged in pods according to ability groupings. One teacher, as I was working with some kids, interrupted and said, "You can probably tell that we're in ability groupings. That table is the Highest group, then that table, then that table, then that table, and this table [points to my table and mouths "THE LOWEST!"]" Yet, there is very little cooperative learning going on, mostly lecture stuff, "Drill & Kill." The science textbooks are actually a bunch of little books (kind of CMP-esque), arranged in a sort of picture book narrative. In the chapter we read yesterday, it was like, "Susy and her friends decided to dissolve different sized salt grains in water. The table to the left shows their results." And then it had a table with Rock Salt (the biggest size grain) dissolving last, and Table Salt dissolving first. Good start, I suppose. BUT then instead of actually thinking scientifically and discussing WHY the larger grains might take longer to dissolve, the kids just had to create a bar graph of the results! Ugh! It was so frustrating! Talk about killing science.

My math class is not very representative because it is the "High Level" special math class. But in any case, they are doing like a different math topic each day, from grids to angles to the sum of a triangles inner angles. It seems like a big ol' hodgepodge of different concepts, and the lessons consist of the teacher doing something on the SmartBoard for 15 minutes and passing it off ("So watch this: If you measure the inner angles of a triangle, they all add up to 180 degrees. See? Now you go add up the angles of this worksheet"). I think I made a kid almost soil his pants when I asked him, "Why do you think they always add up to 180 degrees?"

And one more weird thing about the school: Before and after gym class, the kids all get their gym clothes and change in the classroom. Like totally down to their skivvies, if the child is wearing skivvies (and some are not, especially the girls). The first time it happened I was like, "what the hell?!" and then I realized that I was the only one who thought it was weird. Whoops.

Other than all that, it is going well. I love the kids and I am super excited to get actually teaching every day. I'm starting with math soon, and it will be fun to try stuff out that the kids are probably not used to. How is everything going for y'all? Please drop me a line when you have the chance.

- Lunn Dunningland

THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: My girlfriend.

NUMBER OF TIMES ALMOST DEAD DUE TO "WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD" THING: 0 (4 Total) However, this statistic is 4x less funny since today we saw a pedestrian dying in an ambulance as we walked by...

FUNNY THING BRITS SAY WRONGLY: To make a photocopy, you "whiz one out."

And then some dude in the back says, "But is it art?"

Yesterday, got very much lost, and ended up at the very much popular British Zoo, waited in line for over an hour, only to realize when I got to the ticket booth that the admission fee was £17, which is like the US Dollar equivalent of my first-borne son. So instead I kept on walking around and being lost.

I finally found my actual destination, the Institute of Contemporary Art. It seems like a pretty brill spot- (Oh, you didn't know? Sorry. "Brill" is short for "Brilliant," which is the most common British compliment) they have concerts almost every week, really interesting movies, and some off-the-wall art exhibits. The one I went to yesterday was called "Cellar Door," (or "Celador") and consisted of three pretty identical black rooms, each with a huge black motion-sensor door that went up and down like in a spaceship from those motion pictures you keep hearing about. Anyway, in each of the rooms hung this bulbous shape, complete with various speakers blasting a very dramatic opera (as opposed to all those undramatic operas). To top it all off, there was a butler guy in a tux who occasionally comes out to serve black champagne. And, at the end, there was a vending machine with candies that supposedly had no taste, thereby allowing the space-aged taster to invent their own. Unfortunately, they cost £1.50 (first-borne daughter) and I didn't get them.

I guess it was supposed to be like a Stanly Kubrick film, like any second the lights would flicker out and I would be killed by some sort of allegory. Twas all very Medulla-esque. Thoroughly pretentious, and even more thoroughly entertaining.

Oh, and I started teaching children this past week, too.

I also got kicked out of the 24 Hour Library at 8:50 pm

Politiks, As Usual.

In honor of B. Hussein Obama's unfortunate loss to C. Rodham Clinton last night, I am going to complain about another country's politics. What gives me the authority to give a far-reaching tell-all about the British political scene? Well, I've had over 3 conversations about it with over 4 Brits.
Well, first of all, it should be noted that the Indian folks here reminded the American folks (well, except one exceptionally educated citizen) about the very important Pennsylvania primary. That being said, there is another very important election coming up in Britain, specifically London- the mayoral election.
The election is on May 1st, and instead of the usual political posters run amok all over the city, there are signs put up by the city which say things like "Remember to register to vote!" or the badass "No vote, no voice, no excuse." I first thought this lack of visual electioneering was because of some kind of campaign finance law or something, but according to my well-funded research the candidates are perfectly allowed to print and distribute material, though not nearly as much as . Like one particularly charming candidate who, along with starting Fathers4Justice (you know, those deadbeat dads who say the justice system discriminates against fathers?) has a poster campaign to get anti-Scottish Londoners to support him. (His campaign website is voteenglish.org if you're looking to donate)















But most importantly, I bring this all up because I've really been trying to get some locals to talk about the election, and NO ONE KNOWS IT IS HAPPENING. I've heard people say things like, "Well, all we hear about anymore is your election on the news" or "It's just so complicated." Even the Indians don't have an opinion, though they have said that they like Obama (though it may have been because I was rocking an Obama t-shirt at the time).
Currently, the race is pretty tight, with the incumbant behind by about 6 points (but closing in) to a conservative guy named Boris who seems to be Huckabeeing everyone by not actually having any sort of plan, aside from hating gays and the environment, but is somehow the frontrunner. But never fear, I have seen one "IMPEACH BUSH" sticker on a sign downtown. At least we're focusing on what matters.

- Lunn

THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: Shampoo. Yep, been conditioning for about 6 days now.
NUMBER OF TIMES ALMOST DEAD DUE TO "WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD" THING: 1 (4 Total)
FUNNY THING BRITS SAY WRONGLY: I couldn't quite make out the word, but evidently a blacktop playground is called a "beach" or a "beak" or something.

Great Beards In History

Alas, I must look professional now, and one great beard must be removed from the list...

Tour de Roehampton

So this is Roehampton, the campus where I rest my head. As you can see, it is pretty pretty. And there you have it.

- Lunn


THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: Toenail Clippers
NUMBER OF TIMES ALMOST DEAD DUE TO "WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD" THING: 0, didn't leave campus (3 Total)
FUNNY THING BRITS SAY WRONGLY: A "fag" is a rather unfortunate name for a cigarette.

A Walk In The Park

Dearest Followers of the My Cult:

Today I went to London's largest park, which is approximately the size of India. It is known for its deer herds, whose brains are evidentially not melting like Wisconsin's. But instead of deer, this park happens to be the largest dog park in the universe (Meghan and Rose take note). Every Brit this side of St. Louis seems to have a baker's dozen of anklebiters, and Richmond Park is where they come to party and subsequently scare away deer, who probably pellet their pants at the sight of all the dogs. Much like their owners, British Dogs don't seem to notice anyone they pass on the street. It is kind of eerie.

However, this might simply be because of the very rigid London Social Hierarchy. I am still working out the kinks, but I think it goes something like this:

1. The Queen
2. Double Decker Buses
3. Single Decker Buses
4. Cars
5. Horses/Horseback Riders (unable to differentiate)
6. Bicyclers
7. Dogs
8. Dog Walkers
9. Pedestrians

And how it seems to work is that anyone has full permission to yell obscenities at, ignore, or scoff at the folks below them on the hierarchy. I'm sure this list will be augmented as I get to know London more and/or see a person on a segway, which will most certainly be below Pedestrians.

Which reminds me: Yesterday on the bus, I heard some kids who couldn't have been more than 13 talking about how silly it was that the Queen had any power (I even heard one kid say, and I'm not making this up, "We should have a real republic, like they do in America." He later on followed up this astute political commentary by telling his friend, "That shirt makes your boobs look bigger.")

And we're back. The park walk was also excellent because I got to follow this neat little pocket guide of London Walks that Regina got for me (Thanks!). I came across a pub along the River Thames (NOT the "Thames River," you bloke) that gets its front doors blocked every day during high tide. So once you're in, you're in for the long haul. Excellent marketing strategy, eh?

Then I was back in the park along a trail called "Melancholy Path" which was not very melancholy at all, except for the fact that the sun hasn't come out since I've been here. At the end of my four-odd hour walk, I finally saw some rather mangy looking deer (In England, they actually say "Deers," but I have standards), hidden away from the dogs in the middle of a Polo field (At press time, I still have no clue what "Polo" is, but it sounds rich). This adventure certainly won't be my last time at Richmond park, considering it is about three blocks from my campus, and that I miss Royal and Raleigh. I hope you all are having a wonderful day.

- A

How Long Must Her Tears Go Unwiped?

I am supposed to contact the biggest Europhile I know, Blythe. Does anyone else know Blythe's email, or someone similar to Blythe? Must love baking, Arrested Development, and have a good vocabulary.

- L

A Good Breakfast Makes A Good Day

I, Lunn Dunningland, don't have much to report. I woke up and had my "full English Breakfast" which is a pompous way of saying "4 or 5 breakfast items." This seems like a more patriotic way of saying "Continental Breakfast," but the 4 or 5 items are usually much better than orange drink, a donut, and very bad coffee. My "Full English Breakfast" this morning consisted of:

1. Hashbrowns, shaped like triangles
2. Tomatoes, as in the peeled, canned kind
3. Toast
4. Veggie Sausage

Needless to say, it was fantastic.

The Madison folks and I decided to keep our streak of not mingling with any non-Americans alive by heading off to the British Museum, which if you don't know, is basically the conglomeration of hundreds of years of British Conquest. As would be expected, it is pretty amazing- tons of stuff, way too big to see in a week, Eurocentric as all get-up.
At the height of the controversy of the museum lay the marble statues from Greece. So I guess while the Ottomans had Greece on lockdown, they made an arrangement with the Brits to give them tons of statues from the crumbling Parthenon. Don't worry folks, according to a pamphlet the British Museum distributes concerning the controversy, this transaction was declared legal by a "Parlimentary Select Committee!"
Anyhow, Greece has since been freed of the Ottomans (Ottomen?), is creating an indoor museum to preserve the Parthenon, and wants its sculptures back, which no doubt the Greek Parlimentary Committee has ruled were taken illegally. The Brits won't budge, and that is where we are today. Kind of interesting, right?
In any case, I saw a bunch of sculptures of Greek folks with broken penises today.


However, the highlight of my day was when we went to Hyde Park to a place called "Speakers Corner" is which, so long as you bring a soapbox, stepstool, or other height-increasing object, you can shout out all that stuff you've been realizing for the past 40 years of your life. It was awesome. There were about 4 soapboxers going at once- one African guy talking about "Moral Authority," two guys debating about whether the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one person or three folks or just a funny translational slip-up, and another guy shouting in Arabic, mainly at another guy shouting in Arabic just below him. Beside all the soapboxers, there were tons of other conversations and debates going on around. And believe it or not, it wasn't like a tourist-y thing, either. I definitely felt a little out of place not arguing with somebody.

And this wasn't just a bunch of 9-11 Conspiracy kooks; there were some real interesting topics, and the folks gathered around would play a moderator role.

Muslim: [Something about the Bible]
Christian: [Something about the Qur'an]
Muslim: Let me ask you, how old are you?
Bystander #1: That question is irrelevant!
Bystander #2: Wait! You don't know if it is yet! Answer him!
Christian: I'm 28.

And not one shot was fired, not one bomb went off, and it was good.

- Lunn

THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: Cash (probs with the credit card...)
NUMBER OF TIMES ALMOST DEAD DUE TO "WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD" THING: 1 (3 Total)
FUNNY THING BRITS SAY WRONGLY: A "bathroom" is a room with a bath. Ha!

Greetings, non-dragon flaggers!

Greetings All! I have arrived in the country of England, which as you can tell from the map is somewhere to the right of the USA. I hope this "blog" finds you all well.

I arrived yesterday, which for y'all Yankees is like the future. You see, I am 6 or even 8 hours ahead of you. By the time you read this, I may be enjoying tomorrow! My flight over here was actually somewhat pleasant. I sat next to a fella from Indianapolis who was head of his college's Democratic party (though he did say he would vote for a McCain/Lieberman ticket and said he was "iffy on the whole gay marriage thing"), and we talked a lot. I even got to watch a motion picture, Juno, which wasn't particularly awesome. Why is it that when Garden State bases itself off of hipster music, it seemed genuine and powerful, but with Juno, it seemed trite and phony? Maybe because Juno's "listen to this- it'll change your life" song is by far the worst one on the album. And I know this, because my 7 year old guitar lesson student gave me the whole album as a going away present. For those of you keeping track at home, the best song is
"Vampire" by some band called Antsy Pants.

My dorm floor is "International," which means that all of the awkward dudes from other countries share the same living space. However, I was surprised to find that the awkward dudes are not from China and Japan, but instead from other places right and left of the USA like Bangladesh, India, and some place called Bhutan:

"Ah! Bhutan! No Way! It must be...warm there!"
"Well, no, it is in the Himalayas and often very cold"
"Ahh... yes, of course!"

I also just learned today of a country called "Wales" which evidently offended some people. Upon further research, I found that I apparently have a thing against countries with dragons on their flags.

I saw Buckingham Palace today, which may seem like a big deal if you still think the queen is a big deal. That's so 14th century in my opinion... But it may be sort of like Obama's "Uncle Rev Wright" concept where you kind of grin and nod and say "Why yes, my queen, I'm so glad you are here! We...ah...needed this sword to be blessed!" I guess there is this thing where if the queen is home, a green and red flag is waved at the top. However, there was no flag, so I assume she was off attending to some extremely important diplomatic crisis.

Speaking of traditions that just won't go away, today I also went to the "Center of British Catholicism"- Westminster Cathedral. It was actually really cool inside, very huge and echoey, with lots of dead saints coated in silver, and the choir was practicing some wicked dissonant stuff, like straight out of OK Computer. I almost converted, right then and there. For those of you out there who are currently tripping, it is highly advisable NOT to watch the cool intro on the Westminster Cathedral Website.

OK, that is probably the longest post I shall ever have. I hope you all are doing well. Please send me an e-mail at awitkins@gmail.com if you have a chance, but I probably won't respond, because I am cold-hearted and irresponsible.

- Lunn

THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: London Guide Book
NUMBER OF TIMES ALMOST DEAD DUE TO "WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD" THING: 2 (2 Total)
FUNNY THING BRITS SAY WRONGLY: A "canteen" is a cafeteria