Apples

Being that Friday night I was kept awake by people peeing and puking outside of my window (the Friday Campus Bop this week was themed "American High School" and everyone was supposed to dress up like cheerleaders and American Football players. And act like morons.), I wanted to escape the whole "people" thing and go sit in the park. I staked out a spot in the middle of Richmond Park (those of you who are die-hard readers of this here blog [Laura] might remember that Richmond Park is this massive few square miles of deer and awesomeness]).

Being that I am an expert on deer micro-migration, I saw that the huge herd of like 8 million deer were facing one way, so I went up about 1/2 mile and staked (stook?) out a spot beside a fallen tree. There I sat, book in hand, Jonny Greenwood in ear, and waited. Within hours, I was surrounded by a big old herd of rather scruffy-looking deer. That is, until the Apple Couple came.

Being that I too was in the park and very fascinated with the deer, I couldn't totally complain that my Thoreau moment was interrupted by these two 30-something lovers taking a stroll towards the herd. But it was seriously cramping my style- the deer all stopped what they were doing (eating grass, or course) and started moving away from the Apple Couple. Undeterred, the Apple Couple then headed towards the deer, this time with more speed. And wouldn't you know it? The deer started getting a little more nervous.

Being that they were called the Apple Couple, the Apple Couple then had a brilliant plan to lure the deer towards them- they threw apples at the deer! Unfortunately, the deer mistook this gesture of kindness for a human throwing a fucking projectile at them, and they ran away. And did this finally teach the Apple Couple a lesson on animal watching? Of course not! The male of the Apple Couple then walked further into the field, picked up the apples, and threw them again! By this time, the deer had scattered everywhere, leaving a large deerless patch in the park for me and the Apple Couple, who by now had resigned to laying down on a blanket and making out.