I was really excited this week, because my colleagues and I booked a bus tour to go to Stonehenge. But then when I found out that Stonehenge is not Easter Island I was less excited and more embarrassed.
Even with the obnoxious highway running way too close to the monument, Stonehenge was pretty cool. We then got back on the bus and drove to the city of Bath (rhymes with "goth"). Bath was home to some hot springs back in the day, so when the Romans conquered England they set up this pretty incredible public bath as a way to...um...pay homage...to....Minerva! That's it- Minerva! She sure could use a shrine! ... Of course, this was a way for Roman Englishmen to say "Honey, I'm off to pray to Minerva" which really meant "Me and the boys are gonna get naked and talk about the latest news of The Empire."
So a Day at the Baths would be something like this:
1. Take off your toga (I don't actually know if they wore togas) and give it to your slavechild.
2. Sit in a sauna, heated by the hot-ass spring water running underneath the floor.
3. Get dirt and oil scraped off by a eunuch with a blunt blade (evidently this was pre-loofas).
4. Go into a hot tub.
5. Probably hook up with your slavechild, but they didn't mention that in the tour.
6. Go into a warm pool, socialize.
7. Go into a cold tub, swear.
8. Put your toga back on, give your slavechild a tip and a wink.
9. Go home and get killed by a Viking.
Even with the obnoxious highway running way too close to the monument, Stonehenge was pretty cool. We then got back on the bus and drove to the city of Bath (rhymes with "goth"). Bath was home to some hot springs back in the day, so when the Romans conquered England they set up this pretty incredible public bath as a way to...um...pay homage...to....Minerva! That's it- Minerva! She sure could use a shrine! ... Of course, this was a way for Roman Englishmen to say "Honey, I'm off to pray to Minerva" which really meant "Me and the boys are gonna get naked and talk about the latest news of The Empire."
So a Day at the Baths would be something like this:
1. Take off your toga (I don't actually know if they wore togas) and give it to your slavechild.
2. Sit in a sauna, heated by the hot-ass spring water running underneath the floor.
3. Get dirt and oil scraped off by a eunuch with a blunt blade (evidently this was pre-loofas).
4. Go into a hot tub.
5. Probably hook up with your slavechild, but they didn't mention that in the tour.
6. Go into a warm pool, socialize.
7. Go into a cold tub, swear.
8. Put your toga back on, give your slavechild a tip and a wink.
9. Go home and get killed by a Viking.
5 comments:
Just stopping by to see how your time abroad is going so far. I have to say, I'm glad we switched to loofas. Much less painful!
[insert Bill O'Reilly joke here]
with number nine laid out so clearly, it seems like one could figure out a way to avoid being killed by a viking...
Well, they hadn't invented the letter X yet, so they couldn't write that one down.
did you go to the banksy thing? I've been waiting impatiently for some details...
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