Cricket Is Rubbish

I spent the entirety of today chaperoning my primary school's cricket team as they competed in the city tournament. Not knowing one thing about cricket before the day started, I knew I was in for an educational experience. This is what I learned- cricket is rubbish. This is why:

1. It is named “Cricket,” which sounds like a Midwesterner trying to pronounce Croquet, also a total crap game.

2. Remember when playing kickball, how you'd always have those twits who would bunt, knowing that it was like an automatic single (Ben Burwell, aged 9, I'm looking in your direction)? Well, that is essentially how you can score in Cricket- you hit the ball to any of the 8 or so huge gaping holes surrounding you. You don't even have to run- the referee will give it to you. Which brings me to my next point...

3. In fact, nobody ever really does a whole lot of running. Or physical activity, really.

4. The people who really care about it are still bald, past-their-prime jocks. Given the above reasons, this seems even more pitiful.

5. Because of some archaic scoring system (didn't they learn anything from tennis?), you don't know who won the game until it is over and the scorekeeper finishes tallying everything, which takes about 6-8 weeks.

Mostly, I am upset because our team lost in the championship.

- Lunn

THING I FORGOT TO BRING TO ENGLAND: Respect for other cultures.

FUNNY THING BITS SAY WRONGLY: In an totally interesting fluke of linguistics, when British kids are explaining anything, they will say "yeah?" at the end of every sentence. It's sort of like a little check up- "Does that make sense/You with me?" kind of thing. One example:

Me: Hey you! Charles! Stop talking or I'll lock you in the closet!
Student: I do say, that would be simply poppycock! I dare ask, why, kind sir?
Me: You were fighting with Fredrick VIII.
Student: Nuh uh! Mr. Wilkinson [they still don't know my name]! We were playing, yeah? And I like walked by him, yeah? And I tripped into him, yeah? And he pushed me, yeah?

Kind of exactly like that.